Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
