Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
