yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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