College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
