Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
