I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
