Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
