so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
