i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She's like a pop up book from hell.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
