If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
