I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
