Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
COCAINE IS GR8
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
