just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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