I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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