We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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