Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
