Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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