Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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