she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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