the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just high enough for therapy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
