There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
