The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
