I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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