I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
