it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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