Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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