Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
