Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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