i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
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