I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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