can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
