In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
