exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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