Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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