that's an acceptable place to lick
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
