I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
