i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
