I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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