Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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