So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
