I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
