I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
