I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
my poor anus
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
