In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
