you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
