I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
At least make sure they are 18
Why
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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