do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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