so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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