it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
