I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
