Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
