I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
How external is "for external use only"?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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